I Want More

"I want to have less and do less..."

A few weeks ago, those words quietly left my mouth in a whisper while watching the owner of the house I live in play with his dog with such joy.

The whisper, I believe came from a deep place in me that actually is really longing for more.

Something hit me while watching them, enough to open my eyes to see that I often tolerate nonfulfillment by seeking fulfillment in the idea that within many things I can find satisfaction.

I believe it was spoken from a place that wants to grow in gratitude.

That wants to be fully alive in every moment.

That wants to be more satisfied with what I have been blessed with.

That wants to more fully appreciate life.

That wants to have fewer and fewer days finding myself at the end of them feeling like they were meaningless.

That wants to be less distracted.

That wants my eyes to be greater opened to the depth of beauty in all good things.

That wants to ultimately honor God with nothing less than every single moment and breath of the life that I've been given.

For He has set my heart on fire and all else fails in comparison to Him.

So if you're wondering... practically, what does this mean for me?

I have asked myself and others the same question over and over.

"What are you going to do differently?" "What are you stopping?" "What are you getting rid of?" "What new things are you going to do?"

And so here a just a couple of the things I have come up with over the past month or so.

I am reading more.

I have decided to try and make anything T.V. related a social activity only.

I am saying "no" to more requests on my time.

I got rid of all the clothes I don't wear.

I've realized that the little amount of cash in my budget assigned as "my spending money" doesn't really need to be for me. I have so much..

I write reminders on my hand.

I am praying every day for greater awareness.

I'm working on keeping at the forefront of my mind the truth that I was made to find life in the Giver of it.

I believe I have come to this place naturally because I've learned that we all grow differently. So I've sought to understand myself, why I do what I do; to figure out what's going on inside me. And this is something I believe we must all do. I think we need to constantly strive to figure out and learn who we are, how we do things, why we do things, in order to figure out how we individually grow. We can't live vicariously through other people. We can't do things the same exact way others do them and expect the same results.

Let us not covet each others spiritual journeys, but trust that God has made each one of us uniquely for a unique purpose. And this purpose, I believe, is largely tied to us figuring out who we are.

I've been learning that I am one who gets easily distracted and am driven by passion.

This is why I want to have less and do less because I am distracted by the many things and am

passionate about everything that looks like something I want, sometimes to the point of letting it consume me.

And so I will drive myself empty if I don't learn to be careful at what I surround myself with.

These 2 things can get me going and keep me moving so fast that I don't realize until it's too late that I'm out of air.

And so this is my next step in growing into who I believe I am called to be.

This is the type of change I believe that I'm called to, but let me inform you that your's may be entirely different.

Also, in no way do I want to deny the huge importance of growing together because Christianity is not a solo thing. I don't believe a personal relationship with Jesus should be as individual as I was told it was growing up. I need you and you need me.

I do believe though that there are things we must first learn on our own before we can join others and things we must learn outside of others as well.

"And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' " - Matthew 22:39

And so I think it can be said, unless you get to know yourself, you can't love yourself, which means you can't really love others..

I know how nonfulfillment can control me if I don't keep my eyes open.

And so because I've been learning how I work inside, I understand that I need to rid myself of specific certain distractions or they will have my head before long.

Simply put:

A big part of growing is looking within to see what actually needs worked on.

Inscribed at the temple of Apollo at Delphi, held up as an ideal in Latin and Christian philosophy was the phrase "Know Thyself".

Some pretty good advice I think.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24