Trust

So in about 2 hours I'll be headed towards Fort Wayne to play another show. This show is a bit different because I've had to learn 9 songs I've never played before. This has been honestly quite difficult for me because when I see the number 9 I flip and don't know how I'm going to learn so many new songs I've never done before at all in one show. So I procrastinate over and over till a week before the show and finally start workin on them slowly. It's now hours before I have to play them and I'm still a bit uneasy.
You see, the way I learn songs is alot like my spirituality I've found. If I can't have the song figured out before the 4 minutes of it's playing is over, I wanna give up. I know what it's supposed to look and sound like and I want to be able to play it right now.
For me, there is something deep down inside that is constantly ever pulling me to progress in who I am. The more I've learn about myself I see that its true in everything I do. I've caught myself thinking "will this text message advance me or the reciever I'm sending it to?" I often am thinking about how my next breath will be one of moving forward into being better.
I'm finding that I struggle with taking this too far at times. I can see this man God wants me to be. I have an idea of who I might be and what I might look like in the future and I want it now. I struggle with thinking I'm not enough right now, I struggle with thinking I can be more, I can do better than my best.
I'm learning that maybe, just maybe, I am who I am right now for a very specific reason. I might not be ready for the next step. I haven't learned enough in this moment yet to move to the next.
Sometimes the way I read books is just flying through one right into the next not really using or growing from what I just read. Sometimes I tend to store up information but never use it. So for one, I know I can't progress unless I'm really learning and putting to action what I'm being taught, but I'm also just realizing that God has me here right now for a purpose and I can't move on until the time is right, until He thinks I'm ready for the next step.
I'm this "me" right now for a reason and I'm learning to be ok with that.
I'm learning to be ok with the fact this His ways are higher than mine, and that my life is not my own.
I'm learning to better trust really.